Breakdown.

It's so hard without you in my life. You havent spoken to me in two years, and just seeing you makes my heart shatter. I want you to be happy but it absolutely crushes me to see you so happy when I'm not. I can honestly say that I have not been 100% happy since 2009. How awful is that? I've been in this slump for so long that I think I'm kind of used to it... it's just kind of routine. I'm used to the fact that no one texts me, and I rarely hang out with people. I honestly am accustomed to being alone. I'm so goddamn lonely. I need something to change in my life. Anything.

FML.

Back to stressing about college. SHOCKER. Thus far I dont like the U, but at the same time I havent given it a huge chance either.. But everytime I go to St George I find myself thinking that I made a mistake by not moving down there. I did some research today on the drive home from St G and Dixie has the major that I want, and it would only be about $500 more than the U per semester, and that's if I live on campus. If I move in with my aunt and cousins it will be cheaper. But I just dont know. I dont know if I'll be happy there for three years either. I CANT MAKE UP MY GODDAMN MIND. Someone juts slap me. But I'm trying to relax myself right now.. I mean I have like 5 months to decide. I'll finish out the year at the U, and then hopefully I'll then what the right decision is..

But on a lighter note, I found this list and thought Id blog about it. :)
1. Favorite TV show?


2. Song I can't stop listening to is... As usual, anything by;

3. Red or nude lips? I wish I could wear red, but I'd probably be caught with nude lips.

4. Facebook or Twitter?

5. Gold or silver?


6. Favorite fashion designer? Welp, this is pretty much my entire wardrobe..

7. Any recent travels? Read my first paragraph..


8. Makeup you can't live without? Translucent powder is the only thing I wear!


9. Favorite childhood TV show?


10. Straight, curly or wavy hair?

11. Nickname? SMILEY

12. Heels or flats? I wish I could wear heels more often.. But I'm always in flats.

Inspiration.

SO...

First day of..

FALL.
Today is the first day of fall! Which also means that it is the fall equinox, so night and day will each be 12 hours. Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I love the crunchy leaves, the warm fuzzy clothes, and the holidays. So this blog was absolutely pointless, but I was 40 minutes early to class.. So I needed something to do.

Ok, so..

I havent blogged in a little minute, so I might as well catch you up on my life.

OHMYHECK, my life has been crazy. After graduation I was set on going to Dixie, but the more I tried to contact my aunt about living with her the more stressed I got. So then I decided that I would go to the U, it's close to home, and I'd have the help of my parents. So I went to U orientation and just freeeeaked out. It was just too much to handle, I was way too stressed. I started debating between Dixie and SLCC again, and enrolled at SLCC. I signed up for all my classes, got my books, I was all ready for school. I went to the first day of school there and hated it. I dont know why, but I did. So I came home that night and checked to see if I was still enrolled at the U.. I was. I quickly signed up for what ever classes they had open [they started school before SLCC] and went to the U the next day.
So now I am at the U.
After all of that, I still dont know how much I like college. All of my classes are big auditorium classes, and I havent made a single friend no matter how hard I try. It's kinda getting me down. I tried to rush a sorority but ended up dropping out at the last second. I think I might try again if they have spring rush though..
I still feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be though.

I'm not sure where I'm headed right now, but I sure as hell am trying to figure it out.

Stumbleupon.

So last night I was "stumbling upon" things, and I came across a website with 80 different topics that you can use to help you start writing. So I figure why not blog about a few of them.

Describe 5 things you want to see or do before it’s too late.

One; I want to go skydiving. Hopefully I will get to this year, in fact.
Two; Fall in love. Yeah, yeah, cheesy. I know. But I still want to.
Three; I want to live in New York, at some point in my life.
Four; I want to live my life to the fullest, and achieve everything that I set my mind and heart to.
Five; I want to do something good for the world, something that people will always remember me by. I just havent figured out what yet.

Laast day.

Day 15: Five good things about yourself, and five bad.

Let's start with the bad, so I can redeem myself here.

BAD;

One; I dwell. I dwell on the past, and some days it's nearly impossible for me to live in the present. I wish I could let go of my past, but I'm just not there yet.

Two; I'm a stubborn s.o.b. You piss me off, you'd better understand that I'm probs not going to be the person to fix things between us. Unless I really care about you.

Three; I'm honest. Too honest.

Four; I have certain expectations of people and when they dont meet them that relationship tends to fall apart..

Five; Last, and worst of all. I'm heartless, in a sense. I'm sick of getting hurt.. so I walk away from people before it gets to the point where they have the chance to hurt me. I pull away from everyone because of the bad experiences I've had, and the shitty ways that people have treated me. I'm working on it, but right now I'm worse than ever.

Good;

One; According to people [dont think I'm being cocky] my smile can brighten up a day. I love my smile, and it makes me soo happy when people tell me I have a nice smile.

Two; You can almost always turn my frown upside down by making me laugh.

Three; I love to make people happy.

Four; I love to make new friends, and start things off on the right foot with people.

Five; I have good intentions. I never set out to spitefully harm someone, I never want to hurt anyone. I know I've hurt people in my life, but it's never been intentional.

14.

Day 14. FIVE strange foods you eat, mix, etc.

One; When I order dip eggs at a resturaunt and I get toast with them too, I always put grape jelly on it, and then eat the egg with it. It's yummy, dont know why I do it.

Two; Bacon and syrup. Pretty self-explanatory.

Three; Cheese and apples. Jusss a little slice of chedder, or laughing cow cheese and I'm good to go. But I dont think I'm the only person that does this. But it's about the only time I'll eat cheese.

Four; Corn and mashed potatoes. Whenever ever I have both I always mix them together.

Five; Yogurt and cereal. I dont like yogurt plain, so I aalways put something in it. Whether it's granola or captin crunch.

Day 13.

Day 13. FIVE great inventions.

One; Light. I mean really, what would we do without light? I sure need it.

Two; Cars. I wish I knew how they worked.

Three; Cell phones. How do those buggers even work? I try and figure it out, and it deff does not work.

Four; Sliced bread. It'd kinda suck if I had to eat a full loaf of bread everyday. Hahah.

Five; Facebook. A great, yet detrimental invention. Pretty self-explanatory.

Sorry that I'm too lazy to post pictures..

Wooops.

I havent blogged in forevvver, it feels like. I've just had a lot of shit to deal with. It's been a rough few weeks and I'm just waiting for things to get better. Update on my life; took a tour at Paul Mitchell yesterday.. fell even more in love. Crap. But at least the tour made my mom realize that it's about more than just cutting hair, and she is now on board with me going there.. After college. Hmmmpf. So now I need to decide between SLCC, U of U, and Dixie. What to do, what to do? Why do I have to decide my future now. Eff.

Anyway, Day 12. FIVE things that win you over in any sort of relationship. Hmmm.

One; Trust and honesty. I think they go hand in hand.

Two; Someone who believes in me.

Three; Unconditional love. Ok, that should be the first one. But I'm too lazy to switch it up.

Four; Compassion. I'm not sure if that's the right word, but lets put it this way. I always put my friends and family before myself in my life. And I'm not saying I want someone to do that 24/7, but it'd be nice to have a friend do that for me once and while too.

Five; Happiness. I have to be able to be happy with being with that person, no matter what we're doing.

Eleven?

Day 11. FIVE crushes.

Easy.
David Boreanaz, Chace Crawford, Kevin Zegers, Ashton Kutcher, Shia LaBeouf.

10

Day ten. FIVE sleeping habits.

Most of these habits apply when I'm alone.. If I'm sleeping over with a friend, I pretty much disregard them all. Ha

One; I have to sleep with sound. I like the sound of traffic, or a loud fan that I have in my room.

Two; I cant sleep in pitch black. I have a fear of the unknown, so I always sleep with a tiny bit of light. Which is usually the light from my iHome.

Three; My dog sleeps on my bed with me. Always.

Four; I sleep on the side of my bed that is closest to the wall. Just one little corner on my big bed.

Five; I have 5 pillows on my bed, but I only sleep with one. I throw the rest of them on the floor when I sleep.

Niner.

Day 9: FIVE random facts.

One; I get headaches nearly everyday. I'm giving you this fact, becaause I happen to have one right this second.

Two; My dream car is a red Toyota 4Runner, or a blue Toyota FJ.

Three; I love hand sanitizer. It makes my hands feel soo clean.

Four; I bought the number 4 dress from a few posts down today. I got that picture from Delias.com, but I found the dress for way cheaper at TJ Maxx. Only difference is, instead of a tie waistband it has a black stretchy fabric there.

Five; I hate texting.. PS I'll probably never text you back.

Ate.

Day 8. FIVE things you are thinking right now.

One; I wish I wouldnt have left my iPod in my car. I'm too lazy to go get it.

Two; I wanna go see a movie with this kid, wish he'd text me back. Brat.

Three; I wanna know wtf is wrong with my memory card, and why it's messing up my 700$ camera. I'ma flip out.

Four; Someone just texted me. I wonder who..

Five; Should I read after this, or watch and episode of Bones?

Seven.

Day 7. FIVE things you tell yourself you will never do.

Errrr..

One; Do drugs. I will never ever do drugs.

Two; I will never wear Crocs. Not even when I'm and old lady gardening.

Three; Wear animal print. Yick, no. Not happening.

Four; I will never work in fast food.

Five; Aaand, I will never drive a van. You couldnt pay me enough. Hahaha.

Day six.

Day 6. FIVE things you would wear to a party right now.

It depends on what kind of party... I'm more of a casual person, so we're going to go with that.

One;
Two;
Three;
Four;
Five;

Fivers.

Day 5. FIVE things im addicted to at the moment.

One; Google. It is my beeest friend. I google everything. I am currently obsessed with Googling places and tips for my photography.

Two; Ke$ha. I missed her concert last week, and it bummed me out. So I bought her CD and it's been on replay for 3 days.

Three;Planning my life. I just sit and daydream about my life to come. It excites me to finally be done with Highland, and stupid high school.

Four; Bones. I have the biggest obsession with the show Bones. I watched seasons 1-4 in February. I'm now well into the 5th season, and then I have to wait for the 6th to be on Netflix. But I love that show. Bones and Booth need to get together already, sheesh.

Five; ^^^Netflix. It is a gift from God. I love looking in the mail and getting a movie. And I have it on my Wii too. So I can just lay in bed at watch Bones all day. Plus I've heard that Blockbuster is closing.. So it looks like it's just Netflix and Redbox now.

4 I think...

Day 4. FIVE songs your addicted to at the moment.

Uhm........... let me think.
One; A Little Bit Stronger by Leighton Meester.
Two; Take Me Away by Hayes Carll
Three; Blow by Ke$ha
Four; Mayday by The Icarus Account. PS this is an all time fav.
Five; Raise Your Weapon by Deadmau5

Threeee.

Day 3. Five favorite colors.

Duuumb question. That's like half of the rainbow..

One; GREEN.
Two; Black. Gotta love black.
Three; I'ma go with... purple.
Four; Blue.
Five; Uhm, I kind of like yellow. It's a good color sometimes.

BUT the color pink is definitely on my list of colors that I HATE. Dont know why, but I hate the color pink, soooo much. Veery rarely will I ever chose something pink. Yick.

2.

Day 2. Five things you did today.

One; Woke up fairly early, which is an accomplishment for me.

Two; Went and picked my sister up from school, and we went to lunch with our grandma. Fun stuff.

Three; Went and got my eyebrows done. Thank god, cus I'm going to a party tomorrow. Gotta look good.

Four; Watched and episode of my new fav obsession.. Bones.

Five; Hottub party with Sierra and Heather. So fun. Then we took lots of hilarious pictures. Hhaah.

New challenge.

I obviously cant come up with anything to blog about unless I have questions set in front of me. So I found another challenge and I'll take a crack at it. Get me back in the blogging spirit. It's only a 15 day challenge this time, and I probs wont keep up with it everyday:)

Day 1. FIVE things you could eat every day.

That's a toughy for me, cus I get sick of food really fast. And most things dont sound good to me all the time.

One; Yogurt parfait with granola. I bought 4 little cup ones at Walmart last week, and they were gone in three days. They are so goooood. I bought one today, and I'm going to take it to work with me, and maybe it'll make my day just a little better. Sooo good.

Two; Caesar salad. Most likely the caesar from Noodles&Co, that one is just soo good.

Three; Waffles. Eggo waffles pretty much sound delish most of the time.

Four; Veggies. I dunno why, but I've always loves vegetables. Health nut I guess.

Five; Ok, ok, number 5 is a drink. But who cares. I could have it everyday. Mountain Dew. It's the worst thing when my fridge is stocked full of it, then I drink it wayy too much.

Welp, that's all folks. It's nice to have something to blog about again.

KGHekghreigh.

I have nothing to blog about. Kinda bums me out. Cus I want to blog.. but I have nothing really to say..
Other than, my friend Hunter and I are starting this new, really crazy, and intense workout sesh. It's a video workout called Turbofire. Let me tell you, it kicks your butt. We've only done it once and we most def cant keep up with it. So we're going to try it again tonight and see how that goes.
Other than finally working out, I've just been thinking a lot about my future. I'm not sure what I want.
My ultimate goal is Paul Mitchell, we all know that. But my mom of course, wants me to go to college first. You know, have a fall back. And I want the same for myself too. But I just dont know if I want it in the same way my mom does. I'm really thinking about getting my degree in communications. But I'm not sure if I want to do an associates at SLCC, or if I want to do a bachelors at the U. It really is such a big deal.
I either go to the U for 4 years, then go to PM, which, in case you cant do math, is 6 years before I can start a real career.
But if I go to SLCC then that will be shortened by 2 years.
But then if I go to SLCC and I decide later on in life that I dont want to do hair anymore, then I wont have the worlds greatest degree either.
I REALLY DONT KNOW.
I'm trying sooo hard to work this out in my mind. But I just dont know. Designing my future is not as easy as it sounds.

Fiiiinallyyy.

Verizon is getting the iPhone 4. Oh I am so excited! I want one sooooo bad. Too bad I'm not going to get one for a loooong time. Cus I have to save all my money to get my new laptop.. which is going to suck. And I dont have a contract up for like 6 months. Plus, my mom's phone is probably going to break soon, which means she'll need one before me... And the next avaliable contract isnt for like another year after that. Bahcrap. Verizon is against me. Why cant they just make it so everyone can buy one with an expired contract, but only for the iPhone? They'd make so much money! But I hope they get the white one. Cus when I do finally get one, that's what I want. Ahh, well now I'm going to go for a run, cus I'm home alone and bored. Hopefully I can come up with a money making scheme. I'm pretty good at the usually.

Plleeease.

...

So yesterday I did a photoshoot with my friend Sierra, at the main library. It went fantasic and the pictures I got from that shoot were probably the best pictures I've taken in my life. I was so happy with the outcome of those pictures. I swear I've looked at them 30 times since last night. So when I got home I went straight to editing them. And lazy old me, I just save the edited version over the original one. Which for a photographer, is definetely a bad idea. [I need to stop doing that.] But anywho, I spent so much time on esch picture, I'd only gotten through about 30 of 260 we took, when I realized... SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH MY PHOTOSHOP/COMPUTER. Each picture I was saving was saving under the same file name. Instead of saving under Sierra.Library 032, or whatever number it was, they all were saving under just Sierra. So everytime I edited a new picture, it saved right over the previous picture that I just edited. When I figured that out I just about threw my computer at a wall. I was so frustrated. After all the hard work, and new editing I was trying, I couldnt believe that they were all gone. I still dont know why it was doing that. So after crying for about 10 minutes, and sulking for another 30 I decided to try again. My Photoshop was still doing the same thing after I restarted my computer, so each time I edited a new photo I had to sit there and type in the correct file name. Let me just tell you, when you do that 170 times you start to get reaaaaaallly annoyed. So by the end of this trial I came up with a new idea. I'm buying myself a new laptop, and a new version of Photoshop. Cus my version is old and not very good anyway. But hey, me getting a new computer will benefit my whole family. One: I'm paying for it, not my parents. Two: I will be able to wipe everything off of this computer, and give it to my sister. Three: we will be able to take my sisters desktop and put it downstairs for the 'rents to use. Cus the computer they have is slower than molases. It takes 30 minutes to turn on, not kidding.

Oh, but now I remember why I was telling that big long story. So I put all the pictures that I edited on to my S.McClurePhotography page, [http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/SMcClurePhotography/149054355147194]
and tagged Sierra. So all of her friends and family started looking at the pictures. Everyone loved them. Now her friends and family want photoshoots too. Meaning that I now have more paying clientel. Plus a bunch of my friends liked that link, and have in turn asked me for pictures. I'm so excited that my little hobbie is going to become something profitable, and that I'm going to be able to share my work with my friends.

I need to start coming up with new photoshoot ideas, and locations. Ahhh. If you have any ideas or recommendations, please share them! And also, please check out that Facebook page, and take a look at some of my work. :)

Here's a few of my favorites from the shoot.

THE END.

Yepp, that's it. I'm finally done with the 30 day challenge. It's kind of a shame, cus it gave me something to blog about. I'm probs going to have to find a new one. Haha.

Day 30. 30 facts about you.
..in no order, cus that would take too long.

1. I almost never text people back. I complain that no one texts me, but then when I get one, I rarely text back. If I do text you back, I can promise our conversation wont last. I dont like boring conversations. Ha

2. I'm obsessed with New York. I've never been there, but yep, I'm obsessed. I def wanna live there some day.

3. I daydream, 25/7.

4. I have the attention span of an ant. Not even kidding.

5. I feel naked if I dont have some sort of camera with me at all times. You never know what you're going to see.

6. Sometimes the bad just gets the better of me. Whatta shame. But it's pretty easy to turn my frown upsidedown.

7. I love it when someone admits to facebook stalking me. It makes me feel good. Ha

8. I facebook stalk regularly..

9. I have a love/hate relationship with my job.

10. I cant stand it when people have bad gramar. Please learn the difference between your and you're before you talk to me.

11. I'm a bad speller.

12. I have so many dreams, I dont know which one to chase yet.

13. I fantisize about my future constantly.

14. I pray every night. But it my own little way, not as structured as most people.

15. I love putting a lot of thought into someones gift, and then giving it to them and seeing their reactions.

16. I either think a lot before I say something, or I dont think at all. Both get me in trouble.

17. I'm a major procrastinator.

18. I speed demon. But I'm trying not to be. I'm terrified of getting pulled over.

19. I hate the snow.

20. I wont wear anything but skinny jeans. Preferably Pacsun skinny jeans.

21. I love shoe shopping.

22. I am an Ebay-adict.

23. My list of favorite TV shows is increasing rapidly. Gossip Girl, Jerseylicious, Hellcats, Guliana and Bill. I now religiously watch all of those.

24. I dont accept people I dont know on FB. I'm saying this because I just got two friends requests from creepers. Haha.

25. I chew gum all the time.

26. I'm a sodaholic. I'm trying to quit.

27. I love downtown Salt Lake.

28. I want to be famous, whether that be because I'm a news anchor, or an amazing hair stylist, or a great photographer. One of those. Ha

29. I try to see the good in people, even when I know they have none.

30. I hate it when the radio ruins a really good band or song by overplaying.

Well, I'm done. Now what?