Almost.

Day 29. Who are you?

Simple, I'm Sarah.
So I'm really good at talking, but I'm not very good at talking about myself. I used to be fantastic but somewhere something changed, it's like a switch was shut off. I cant really explain. But I think I know why. I thought I used to know who I was but now I'm no where near sure. The past year of my life has really changed who I am and how I live. I've had to expierence things that 17 years olds shouldnt have to go through. Yeah, it's made me stronger, but it's had a deeper effect than just making me grow up too fast as well. The other night I was in a terrible mood, and as usual I took it out on my family. My mom came down to me and said "Sarah, I think you've been so angry and so unhappy for so long, that you dont truely know what happiness is anymore." The truth of the matter is, I dont think I know what it is anymore either. I keep hoping and praying that things will look up, that something will change, that I'll get what I need, and have what I miss, back. But thus far.. nothing. I find myself day after day trying to cover up the fact that I'm unhappy, and unfullfilled. Trying to act like everything is ok. It works for a bit. But I think I'm just manifesting the problem even more when I try to forget it. I need to solve it. I'm not sure what to rely on anymore or how to find myself in this mess that I've fallen into. I'm still searching for who I am. Maybe I'll find out who I am tomorrow, maybe I'll find out 6 years. All I know is that I need to focus on the little steps right now, by getting myself out of tmy own personal hell, then I'll create the whole picture. So for now I'm just simply Sarah Maile McClure. Take it or leave it. Yadayadayada. But I know, depressing post. But it's my blog, my feelings.. Why not?